How to write a eulogy in 5 steps (with a guided Eulogy Writer)

If you have been asked to speak at a funeral, you are probably grieving and tired and not at your best for writing. That is all right. A eulogy does not need to be eloquent. It needs to be true, and it needs to sound like someone who loved them. Here is how to write one, step by step. If you would rather have help with the first draft, the guided Eulogy Writer is below.

Step 1: Gather memories before you write

Do not open a blank page and try to write. Open a notes app or take a sheet of paper and answer these questions as fast as you can, in fragments:

• What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of them?
• What did they say all the time? What was their laugh like?
• What did they love: foods, places, songs, people, projects?
• When did they surprise you, or show you who they really were?
• What did they teach you, on purpose or by example?
• Who should be mentioned by name?

Give it ten minutes. Ask a sibling or a friend to add theirs. You will end up with far more than you need, and that is the point.

Step 2: Choose one story and three words

A eulogy that tries to say everything says nothing. Pick one story that sums them up. A small moment is better than a big one: the afternoon they drove two hours to bring a forgotten glove, the way they answered the phone, the Sunday they stayed to fold chairs. Then choose three words you would use to describe them. If your story shows all three words, you have your eulogy.

If you need to see what this looks like, read a few full pieces in our eulogy examples for a mother, a father, a grandparent, a friend and a spouse.

Step 3: Shape the eulogy: open, tell, thank, close

A simple four-part shape works for almost any person and any length.

1. Open. Greet the room, say who you are to them, and say thank you for coming. One or two sentences. Skip “we are gathered here today.”
2. Tell. Tell your story with detail: where it was, what was said, what you noticed.
3. Name what they loved and taught. A short list of things they loved, then one or two lessons. Name the people they left behind.
4. Close. End with something you can say steadily: a last thank you, a farewell, a promise. If your tradition includes a prayer or verse, this is where it goes.

Here is how many words you need. At a calm pace, most people speak about 130 words a minute.

Step 4: Write the way you speak

A eulogy is heard, not read. That changes the writing. Use short sentences and plain words. Repeat a phrase if it matters. Say their name often. Avoid semicolons, long lists and anything you would stumble over.

Three habits that make a eulogy better:

• Specifics over adjectives. Instead of “she was generous,” say “she kept a coffee can of quarters in the glove box for anyone who needed a parking meter.”
• Skip the clichés. “Gone too soon,” “in a better place,” “heart of gold” and “lived life to the fullest” say nothing. Say what you actually saw.
• Be honest, kindly. A person who was stubborn can be loved for being stubborn. You do not have to polish them into a saint.

Step 5: Read it aloud, trim it, and print it large

Read the eulogy out loud at the speed you will use at the service. Time it. Cut whatever makes you stumble or repeats itself. Then print it in 16 to 18 point type with generous line spacing and a one-inch margin, and mark the places where you want to breathe. Bring two copies: one to read from and one for a friend to hold in case you lose your place.

A sample excerpt

Here is the middle of a eulogy for a father. Notice that it is built on one small moment, told plainly. (Read the whole thing in our father eulogy example.)

When I was sixteen I backed his truck into a mailbox. I walked into the garage with my heart in my throat. He looked at the truck, looked at me, and said, “Well. Hand me that wrench.” We fixed the dent together, and in two hours he never raised his voice. At the end he said, “Mailboxes are cheap. You’re not.”

How the guided Eulogy Writer works

If you are short on time or words, the Eulogy Writer does the first draft with you. It is a short, gentle series of questions. You type your answers, choose a length and a tone, and a full draft appears on the page as it is written. You can then edit it yourself, ask for a revision, copy it, download it, or print it in large type.

The questions it asks

1. Their name, what you called them, and how you were related.
2. Three words that describe them.
3. One story that sums them up.
4. What they loved.
5. What they taught you.
6. Their faith, if it matters to you (optional).
7. People you want mentioned by name (optional).
8. Anything to avoid (optional).
9. How long you will speak (3, 5 or 8 minutes) and the tone (warm, celebratory, faith-filled, light humor).

It never asks how they died. You do not need to tell it, and it will not guess.

What you get

• A full, personal eulogy that uses only what you told it, in a spoken voice.
• Two revisions: shorter, warmer, more humor, more faith, or “use my own words more.”
• A text box where you can edit the eulogy yourself, as much as you like.
• Copy, download as a .txt file, and a print-ready large-type page.

Privacy

What you write is about someone you love, and it is treated that way. Your answers are used only to write your draft. They are not stored on our servers after you leave, and they are never used to train AI models. While you work, your answers stay in your own browser tab, and one click clears them.

The honest comparison

A professional eulogy writer typically charges $150–$500 and takes a few days, and some are wonderful. The Eulogy Writer is $25, takes about fifteen minutes, and works best when you are willing to put in the memories. It is a first draft, and the heart of it is still yours. Read it aloud, change what does not sound like you, and make it your own.

What to leave out of a eulogy

• The details of a painful illness or death, unless the family has asked you to tell them.
• Old family arguments, unresolved debts, or anything that could start one in the front row.
• Inside jokes that only three people will understand, unless you explain them in a sentence.
• A list of accomplishments. They belong in the obituary. Tell stories instead.
• Promises about what the person is doing now, unless your faith tradition says so and the family shares it.

Planning the whole service? See the funeral planning hub, the order of service and Bible verses for a funeral. If a friend or family member has asked you to lead the whole service, the Lay Funeral Leader Kit includes the Eulogy Writer. If you are writing a card for someone else who is grieving, see condolence messages.